


Somebody that i used to know

by needmesomepie



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: ....again, Angst, Hurt, M/M, apparently my coping mechanism for the impending disaster that will be s3, disclaimer: i am very sorry, i love these boys i promise, is to write angst and put my boys through pain i would never ever wish upon them, like now, no comfort because i'm mean, someone take my keyboard away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 15:32:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needmesomepie/pseuds/needmesomepie
Summary: "Billy hadn't understood it, not at first. This feeling in the pit of his stomach, the clawing at the back of his brain. Like something else was there, deciding things for him, telling him which way to turn at the crossroads. He'd felt it fester, grow, reach into his veins, take control. He wasn't sure how much of him was actually him now, how much of it was inhabiting his body, his movements, his decisions. He'd been managing it fine, treating it like a virus, telling himself that if he believed it wasn't bad that it wouldn't affect him.And he'd believed it. Up until now."





	Somebody that i used to know

**Author's Note:**

> me: *wants to read and write and hide in fluff before the horror that tomorrow is going to bring*
> 
> also me:

Billy hadn't understood it, not at first. This feeling in the pit of his stomach, the clawing at the back of his brain. Like something else was there, deciding things for him, telling him which way to turn at the crossroads. He'd felt it fester, grow, reach into his veins, take control. He wasn't sure how much of him was actually him now, how much of _it_ was inhabiting his body, his movements, his decisions. He'd been managing it fine, treating it like a virus, telling himself that if he believed it wasn't bad that it wouldn't affect him.

And he'd believed it. Up until now.

It had taken him ending up at Hawkins' popular arcade, hidden in the cloak of the night before he'd even registered he'd gotten out of bed that morning, to realise that maybe this _thing_ was more than just a virus, more than the mini blackouts and minor losses of control. More than a niggling feeling hidden at the back of his mind.

**"Hello, Billy."**

The voice he heard inside his head wasn't his own. It wasn't the one he used to tell himself if he was an idiot, that he needed to sort himself out. It wasn't the one that replayed over and over in his head of Neil telling him he was worthless, a disappointment, _disgusting_. It wasn't the one that Steve used to tell him he loved him, deep in the night in a moment of hidden intimacy. It was something else. Something that Billy hadn't heard before. Something that came from that headache at the back of his mind.

"What do you want?" He asked, shouted to no one but himself.

 **"To hurt the people who hurt me."** The voice said, echoed painfully inside his head.

"And what do i have to do with that?" He was getting angry, frustrated. Nothing made sense. He'd walked all the way to the arcade and he didn't remember anything after going to sleep the night before. The blackouts had never been that bad.

**"I needed a body. A strong one. One not afraid to fight.”**

And fine, Billy wasn't exactly weak. He knew how to throw a punch and land it right where it would hurt. But he still didn't _understand_.

"Why me?"

**"Because i needed someone who could get close."**

Billy still didn't understand. But no matter how many times he asked why, screamed at this thing to give him a clearer answer, asked who he wanted to get close to, he got nothing but silence. It hadn't gone, he knew it hadn't, he could _feel_ it growing, breathing, settling. But it said nothing, left him standing at the side of the arcade, shivering with the lack of a jacket.

The familiar rumblings of Steve's car distracted him, stole him from his thoughts. He heard Steve telling him he was picking the kids up that evening, but it was like the memory wasn't his. It was like Steve had told him but it wasn't him that had heard. Then Jonathan turned up, Nancy in tow, waving hi to Steve as they did. The kids ran out, split themselves towards the two cars. El, Mike and Will with Nancy and Jonathan. Dustin, Max and Lucas with Steve. The same split as always.

Billy watched on, stayed hidden at the side of the building, not trusting himself to go over and say hi. Not trusting this _thing_ to stay quiet.

But then his legs were moving, carrying him towards the group he could now call friends. He tried to stop it, to turn around, to tell this thing in his head to leave them alone. It was all starting to piece together in a broken and fractured and not quite right puzzle and Billy wished it wouldn't. He didn't know much, he knew there were parts they'd left out, parts that Steve hadn't told him in hushed whispers after one too many a bottle of whiskey. But he knew there was something going on in this hick arse town, knew there were stories you didn't speak of and other worlds within touching distance at every turn. He knew they'd all been involved somehow, that Will had had some kind of connection to this other world, that El wasn't exactly your average 15 year old.

The dots kept connecting, Billy kept trying to turn his body back, get some kind of control. He knew they'd burnt a monster out of Will. He knew _this_ monster wanted to hurt the people who had hurt him.

Then it clicked, quickly, painfully, like a jolt to his heart. He wanted to hurt them, all of them. _He wanted to hurt Steve._

There was a couple of ‘ _hey Billy's’_ called, smiles sent his way before they turned sour, before their expressions went from excitement to fear.

He could feel it creeping through his lungs, taking all movements no matter how small. Billy couldn't move himself, couldn't blink for himself, couldn't even breathe for himself. He didn't want to know what expression his face was showing, but from the fear on everyone's faces, the terror in their eyes, he knew it wasn't good.

"Billy?" It was said in warning, with trepadation. They were scared.

 **"Try again."** It said. Stole Billy's voice this time, as if his body hadn't been enough.

Dread ran through Will's face, the rest of them clocking on soon enough. _They knew._

His body powered forward, he tried to stop it but the more he fought it the more it spread. Each limb he tried to slow down just got faster. Stronger. It was taking over his arms, his legs, his head was set in a position he hadn't put it in.

He watched as his arms grabbed Will, pushed him up against the wall of the arcade.

 **"Remember me?"** It snarled, spat in his face. Billy hated hearing the aggression in his voice, he'd sworn to never use it around them again.

He felt the punch to his face, looked around as Jonathan retreated slightly, face the picture of determination.

 **"You think i don't remember you?"** It growled, let Will fall to the floor. His legs were moving towards Jonathan, stalking the ground between them.

"Hey, arsehole." Dustin shouted from where he was crouched beside Will, along with all the other kids.

Billy felt his body turn on him, turn his back on Jonathan. He heard himself growl, felt the anger inside him towards Dustin. Not his. Never his.

His legs were moving, faster and faster with each step he took. He wanted to stop it but the more he tried the faster it got. He couldn't break through.

Dustin was within inches of his grip, one step and he'd have him, could hold him, punch him, squeeze him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, felt it turn him around. It was the first movement his body had made since all of this started that hadn't been due to this thing inside him.

"No you don't." He heard Steve say, watched as his hand flew towards his face, struck him across his right cheek. He felt it, it stung.

He felt his arm fly towards Steve's face, saw it hit his nose, watched as it bled. He cried, shouted, _screamed_ at this thing inside of him, wanted to tell it to stop, to leave Steve alone. But no sound came out. His arms kept punching.

Steve was fighting back, not letting the punches draw him back. He was planting his feet, Billy noticed, would have smiled if he had control over his muscles.

"Get out of my boyfriend you piece of shit!" Steve shouted. Billy heard it.

Something in his heart warmed, fought back against the cold in his veins. _Steve was his boyfriend._ He thought. _He loved Steve._ And Billy fought it, this feeling, this lack of control, grabbed onto the love he felt for Steve, let it drag him through to consciousness, push out the grip this monster held on him. He would have stood by and watched the world burn at the mercy of this thing, but he would sacrifice himself before he _ever_ let Steve get hurt. Before anyone of them got hurt.

His head felt like it was being torn apart, like someone had drilled a hole through the top and was plying it apart with the strongest pair of metal pliers invented. His arms were shaking, his legs collapsing beneath him. His heart beat. He felt it. He felt _everything._

"Go." He said. It was strained and fractured and broken. Steve looked at him from the position he'd found himself in on the floor. Billy met his eye, felt the monster trying to take its control back, felt it clawing at his mind, looked at Steve with every bit of emotion he could muster.

"GO!" He shouted, watched as the look of realisation crossed Steve's face.

There was a pounding at the base of his skull, he started to lose control of his legs, his arms. He felt the control slip away from him bit by bit, winced as the warm blood in his veins was replaced by a sharp chill, something so cold he felt his body going to sleep, slip away from him inch by inch.

Steve was still staring at him, watching him in horror as he saw the black travel through his veins. Billy could hear everyone yelling at him to leave, to run while he still could. But still, Steve didn't move.

With every single last bit of control that Billy could muster, he looked at Steve, poured everything he had into that one glance.

_Go_

_Please save yourself_

_I'm sorry_

The _'i love you'_ was lost on Billy's lips as he succumbed to the monster once more.

And then he was gone, trapped inside his own body again, left stranded, staring at Steve as the kids grabbed his arms and dragged him. Billy heard the roar, it came from his own mouth but he didn't own it, the voice didn't even sound like his own now.

The feeling kept travelling, further and deeper than it had before, winding its way up through every blood vessel until it got to his brain. He felt it dig deep, twist and turn and break inside, curl around memories he'd kept hidden, watch as they played out in his mind.

_He was lying in Steve's bed, they'd spent the night together. Billy was smiling. Steve's arm was wrapped around his middle, his nose so close Billy could feel his breaths on the back of his neck. There was no one around but them. No one to impress, no one to hide from, just them, in the glow of an early autumn morning, cuddled beneath covers that felt like home._

He felt it, an arm, a claw, wrap around it, pull it away.

_They were at the quarry, it was dark, the light from the stars a glow on their faces. Music was playing from the Camaro, some cheesy song Steve had somehow persuaded Billy to infect the Camaro's delicate speakers with. They'd been arguing, something stupid, meaningless._

_"I can't help that i love you, Billy!" Steve shouted, exhasperated._

_"You love me?" Billy asked, dumfounded, not sure if he was just hearing what he so desperately wanted to hear._

_"God, yes. Of course i love you." Steve softened, came over to stand infront of Billy._

_"I love you too." He hadn't had to think about it, the words coming so naturally._

_And they kissed, under the light of a billion stars, the smooth melody of a stupid love song bringing them closer together._

It twisted deeper, kept digging.

_Basketball. He saw Steve walking in, felt his heart instantly beat in double time. The way his hair bounced, his eyes shone, his skin glowed. Billy was in awe. Wanted to get close, to touch. He spent the entire lesson as close as possible, marked him though he wasn't supposed too. He wanted to get to know him, made it his mission to befriend the Bambi faced boy._

Billy wanted to scream out, the pain too much, too deep.

_Billy had been invited round to the Byers' for a family meal of sorts. It was a regular thing, this one was the first they'd all managed to persuade him to stay at once he'd dropped Max off. It had been nice, the food was good, the company better. They all knew about him and Steve, none of them were bothered in the slightest, just glad they'd finally admitted their feelings for each other._

_He found himself in the living room, watching as Steve joined in a game of dungeons and dragons. It was day four he remembered them saying, laughed as they all delved deep into their secondary world. Steve laughed, smiled, played along, got deep into a game Billy still didn't understand. Billy watched on, smiled, felt a love blossom prominently in his heart. He never felt more at home than when he was around these people, around Steve. People who accepted him for who he was, loved him nonetheless._

_Steve's face lit up as he saw Billy watching him, smiled back at him wide, teeth showing in a cheeky grin. Billy knew then and there in that moment that Steve was it for him, swore that he'd never hurt him. Never do something that meant he would lose him._

_He asked him to be his boyfriend, officially, that evening. Steve didn't hesitate when he said yes._

He was blinded by the pain, could focus on nothing else as those claws ripped into the most private parts of his mind.

_It was mid summer, they were sitting beside Steve's pool, drunk on the rare Hawkins sun, whiskey and each other. They were close, touching, almost breathing at the same time._

_"You're not what i expected, Harrington."_

_"No?"_

_"No."_

_"How so?"_

_"The beamer, the mansion, the girls lusting after you. Never thought you'd have a heart beneath all that money."_

_Steve laughed, the sound a gorgeous song in the static air._

_"The money belongs to my parents, who may i remind you, are never around. The car is a way to keep up the family image. I do all i can to not end up like them."_

_"You're nothing like them." They inched closer, their breaths syncing._

_"You've never met them."_

_"I don't need to."_

_They were impossibly close, mouths millimetres apart. They looked into each other's eyes, a look that caused a thousand words to run between them. The air was electric, the sun warm on their backs._

_Steve closed the gap between them, touched his delicately pink lips to Billy's chapped ones. Let them fit together as if it was always meant to be._

_He pulled back, smiled up at Billy. Billy's heart warmed, leapt in joy as he smiled back, closed the gap once more._

_Maybe the alcohol had pushed them towards it, maybe given the confidence they'd both needed to give into the feelings they'd spent months fighting. But they woke up the next morning in a tangle of sheets and limbs, cuddled close together, promises being whispered between the two in synced heartbeats and tight grips. And neither of them had ever looked back._

His head felt lighter, his heart began to ache.

_Steve had managed to convince him to a date, a picnic atop a hill on the outskirts of Hawkins. They'd got sandwiches and crisps and chocolate and fruit. A couple of cans of beer to wash it all down. Billy had brought his stereo, a mixtape he'd made for them both lodged safely inside. It played out, quiet, as they sat and ate and talked under the blazing heat of the sun._

_A fast, upbeat song started playing as they were letting their food go down, a can of beer each helping the matter. Steve looked at Billy in awe, an expression that said 'you remembered' clear on his face. And yes, of course Billy remembered. Couldn't forget how quickly and how deeply Steve had fallen in love with the upbeat tempo of 'Footloose'._

_Billy held out a hand, waited for Steve to meet his gaze._

_"Harrington, may i have this dance?"_

_Steve leapt up, pulled Billy to his feet faster than he could register the 'yes' Steve had yelled his way in excitement._

_They danced and bounced and flailed around together, hands linked in an unbreakable grip, smiles wide on their faces. Billy had been nervous, wary about actually officially dating a guy in the not quite with the times town of Hawkins, but the smile on Steve's face, the bounce in his step and the way he was looking at Billy with a love so deep present in his eyes, made all of it so worth it._

_The song finished and they laid down next to each other on the blanket Steve had laid out on the grass, hands never once letting go, breaths loud and evident and together from the energy they'd just used._

_"One day, when we're allowed, i'm going to marry you, Steve Harrington. And it will be the most wonderful day of my life."_

_He heard Steve's breaths stop, felt his body still. He was worried he'd gone too far._

_But then Steve spoke, gripped his hand even tighter than before._

_"Im only saying yes if that's our first dance." And Billy laughed, let all of the panic and anxiety flow out of his body in one big sigh of relief._

_"I wouldn't want anything less." He said, leant over to kiss Steve._

_He knew they were probably years away from that ever being a possibility, possibly their lifetimes and more, but Billy let himself dream. Let his heart flutter inside his chest as he imagined the rest of their lives together. He'd never realised that being so inexplicably happy could be this easy._

Those claws kept getting deeper, kept winding around the memories he had stored inside his mind, played them out in front of him, stole them away again. He was in agony, started to see white, felt his head getting lighter and lighter. The feeling crept down to his heart, he felt as the black venom sunk deep into his veins, made itself at home painfully inside his heart. And then Billy blacked out, lost all sense of feeling and sight. Didn't see as the monster used his body to run after Steve and the others, didn't feel as his arms collided with his face, with everyone else’s bodies. He couldn't watch as his hands slowly beat Steve unconscious. Left damage over the bodies of people he was lucky to call his friends.

\---

He didn't remember anything when he woke up, lying down, warm under a blanket. There was a constant beep sounding to his left, a sharp pain on the backs of each of his knuckles. There was a warmth shrouding his right hand, covering it, gripping it so tight it almost hurt. He opened his eyes, closing them again against the bright lights, opened them slower when it began to hurt less.

He felt the hand holding his move, looked over as the person it belonged to started to spill words out of his mouth, look at him with eyes wet with tears. It took him a few seconds to hear, his ears ringing with a pain he didn't understand.

"-hit me but it doesn't matter because it wasn't you, not really. El saved you, she expelled whatever the hell that thing was from you. You're free, Billy." A sob paused his ramblings, his grip tightened on Billy's hand.

"I love you, Billy. I'm so glad you're okay." He said, leant down and gave him a hug, pressed a kiss to his swollen lips.

He broke it when Billy didn't respond, pulled back to stare at him, confused.

"Billy?" He asked, looked hurt.

"Who are you?" Billy said, voice broken. Steve’s heart sunk.

"What? It's me, Steve?" He, _Steve_ , said.

"I don't know who you are." Billy said, watched as tears began to roll down Steve's face once more.

He looked around the room, watched everyone's faces look on in horror. He knew them, everyone else. Will, Mike, El, Dustin, Lucas, Max, Jonathan, Nancy, Joyce, Hopper. Hell, he even recognised Doctor Owens from times he'd passed him in the street. He listed them off, watched as Steve broke down, as Joyce ran over and hugged him.

Max came over, whispered quietly.

"Steve's your boyfriend, Billy. How do you not remember him?"

Billy laughed, hated the way everyone looked at him as the sound echoed through the room. She was serious, he could tell. But he didn't even remember ever meeting this Steve kid, let alone dating him.

He stared at Steve, watched as he broke down in the corner of the room, listened as his sobs wracked his body, became the most prominent thing in the building.

He wanted to remember, hated that he was causing someone this much pain but there was nothing, his mind so empty of memories as it was, but there was not a single thing he could think of that ever related to Steve. Not a meeting, a glance or even a mere mention of his name.

He had no recollection of what had happened, how he'd ended up in a hospital bed surrounded by his friends and _Steve_. He didn't remember the monster that had inhabited his body, how it had crawled deep inside his brain and stolen every memory of Steve when it realised his love for him was the one thing that could break Billy free. Could give him the power to gain control.

**"You defy me, and i take what you love."**

It was a distant whisper, an echo deep inside his mind. The voice scratched at a door named recognition but he couldn't understand why, convinced himself he was hearing things, that the drugs being pumped into his veins were making him go a little bit crazy.

He ignored it, wrote it off as a side effect of whatever the hell had made his head feel this bad and laid in his bed, listened as Steve cried and cried and cried, felt his heart breaking for a love he never knew he had. For someone he never remembered meeting.

The sound haunted him, didn't end and Billy knew it was his fault, that he was causing this person, this _stranger_ , an unimaginable amount of pain.

But what was he supposed to do?

_He couldn't love someone he didn't know._

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so look
> 
> i am really bloody sorry
> 
> can't wait for Billy to die in a few hours xoxoxox
> 
> feel free to scream at me about harringrove (and how horrible i am) on [tumblr](https://lemonflavouredspatula.tumblr.com/) (and like, please come and cry with me about s3, i'm going to be a wreck)


End file.
